Saturday, May 29, 2004

An only child

Mindless ramblings....

I was an only child until I was about 2 1/2 when my parents turned my life upside down by bringing home a very small screeching high needs baby boy on Christmas day. I'm sure a baby doll may have been on my list of things I wanted that year...but I never expected this baby doll to actually throw me, the precious princess of the family, out of my spotlight. We fought from the day he came home...literally. Constantly fighting for our respective right to that special light that shines down making our halos glow and our wings become visible, leaving the one whose attention we're fighting for blind to the wrong doings of days, weeks, seconds past.

Well this afternoon I've inherited a beautiful blonde little girl. She's 2 1/2 and I'm totally eating her up. She's not mine to keep forever, but for now..she's mine. I've brushed her long blonde hair and washed her dirty face (I have such issues with dirty children..I'm sure it's not a natural obsession) we've painted toenails...mine and hers...and there have been cuddles and giggles and smiles galore!
And fighting! Seems I've also become a referee....She and the smallish boy have fought like siblings. I understand this being 'just the way it is' for siblings...but not for these two.

"She took my {fill in the blank}"
"She's making too much noise I can't hear the TV"
"He slapped me"
"He won't let me play with {fill in the blank}"....
"You two share"....
"Lets go to the other room to play with that one"...
uhhmm "You go to your room for 10 minutes for hitting, that's not allowed"....
"Didn't I tell you two to share?" Yes I'm sure I did...

Then for 15 minutes they played wonderfully together dressed as a lion and Clifford the Big Red Dog (Halloween costumes from years past) Until he started trying to drag her (as Clifford) around by the collar...Well...So much for that brief glimpse of what life would be like with the baby sister he so often talks about.

I always wanted at least 3 children. Two girls and a boy...and I wanted the boy first..OK, so I got 1 out of three...That's only one example of many scenarios in my life where it's become obvious someone else is in charge.

How did I get here?

Quite the thought provoking question, don't you think?

Depending on where we are in our lives..Our mood....Or where our thoughts are at any given time our answer to this question will most always be different.

A few other equally perplexing questions can be:

Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Am I happy here?
Is there someplace else I'd rather be?

Since it's after 1am...and this is, afterall, my first entry, I won't travel the path of the deep and meaningful

....So for tonight:

How did I get here?
We'll blame that one on Mir

Is this where I'm supposed to be?
Well, so far, no one has told me otherwise...and Mir told me to.

Am I happy here?
I figured out how to tweak my blog (thank you Mir) and get it sort of the way I want it...for we'll say far so good.

Is there someplace else I'd rather be?
Considering it's almost 1:30am, and my smallish boy sees no reason why anyone should sleep in later than 7am just because it's Saturday...that should be my bed.

I had to start somewhere :)